Middle East -
Hangs Fire

by Walt Taylor

Iran is very busy making nuclear weapons - they loudly talk about it - and they are hell bent to get it done. Nobody else wants Iran to have nuclear weapons, Why? Because Iran is being run by religious fanatics with a strange set of priorities ... a complete lack of interest in the stability of the existing world ... and a dedication to removing Israel from the face of the planet. They have stated so ... repeatedly.

Maybe they are lying ... maybe not!

Russia, France and Germany - our weakest links in the last Middle East foray - are now huffing and puffing about the dangers of Iranian nuclear weapons. And they are complaining, through endless practice, for one very good reason ... they are all potentially within missile range of Iran. Not that we can expect any proficiency from dedicated religious prayer groups in actually aiming, firing and hitting anything with missiles ... but the potential is there.

This brings up another interesting point ... if Iran starts spouting off like a roman candle ... who is down range? Without a history of rocket technology, accuracy comes to bear. The Iranian marksmen would first need to clear Iraq - and half the U.S. military - which might raise some queries. Then Jordan becomes the geographical anomaly of the moment ... any mistakes could become the storm of the century in Jordanian skies. Israel will be shooting, we will be shooting, and Jordan becomes - by default - the custodial technician of the year. Over shooting the target brings Egypt into range ... all this trajectory activity could be very interesting to watch. What happens to a nuclear device when the missile it is attached to blows up in mid fight? Does it detonate? Does it just fall to the ground with an anticlimactic thud? Are these things under warranty? Did they buy the guidance systems from the rocket experts in Pakistan?

Now, stepping up to center stage is Russia - the historic diplomatic iconoclast of the last century - saying "Let's make a deal" - let's see what's behind door #2 - We can trade fission for oil!! Here is a deal made in heaven. A group of vodka soaked Cossacks rolling homemade uranium for a group of mega maniacal mullahs in the oil patch. Any self respecting ambulance chaser would jump at the chance to broker this deal ... the perfectly balanced match of mendacity ... no one in the entire room with even the slightest chance of telling the truth ... the ideal contract!

No one believes the Russians will live up to any agreements that involve nuclear weapons, and would probably lead to someone banging a shoe on the U.N. podium at some point. No one believes Iran will live up to any agreements when the treaty signing involves a small carpet and beads. Even the other Arab nations can't believe Iran ... hence the phrase "Middle East Crisis".

The U.N. is huffing and puffing about the dangers of Iranian nuclear weapons ... they rationalize their existence to solve international problems --"Let's build a bridge of communication" -- this will be productive! The entire organization is trying to avoid jail time for stealing oil and bribes from the last "ideal contract" in the middle east Farmers Market. It seems not everyone in these situations can be trusted ... Oh really? They will make a lot of noise - pose for the cameras with all the righteous indignation they can muster - poor people will be canonized, the U.S. will be condemned - and Kofi will give his son a well deserved raise in pay. Good job - well done!

The Security Council will propose that time-tested idiom used to strike fear into the hearts of all rational populations -- "sanctions" -- "we can sanction them into submission"! The imposition of brave diplomats will save the day. Of course, our guy Bolton may well point out that France and Germany have some historical problems involving middle east sanctions ... cheating can't be all bad if you can (wink - wink) get a little light crude on the side. Then, all the African nations will certainly join in concert with Al Sharpton to label the entire exercise a plot against blacks. Al Gore and young Kennedy will suck up all the remaining air time condemning any use of oil - for anything - at anytime. And the Clintons will insist that new peace negotiations at Camp David should include Iran, and will be successful by including the proper amount of Big Macs and national health insurance.

In the meantime, amidst all the global posturing, Iran will continue to build a nuclear weapon. Why? Because they are a sovereign nation and they have the right to build whatever they choose, for whatever purpose they choose, and the mullahs don't take constructive criticism well. If India can have nuclear weapons - so can we!! These facts are not lost on the Israelis.

They will not sit around waiting for the neighborhood temperature to rise, or speculate about the refractive qualities of the sand being suddenly turned into glass. What is a reasonable, rational Zionist to do? Bomb the stuffing out of them before the first missile is fired.

And they will.

But ... not before July ... not until we all know who wins the FIFA Soccer World Cup.